Wake Up Call

Quite by accident, I stumbled onto this post. By the time I finished reading it, it felt like I was hit by a truck. Certain truths had hit way too close to home...

Now, I'm certainly no leader of a end-game raiding guild; I'm not even in such a guild but the behavior described sounds way too familiar. It's not the first time I've read such 'Spent too much time on WoW, so bai bai' posts but I've always managed to brush it off as 'Yeah, that's not happening to me'...

But for some reason, this post struck a nerve. Looking at it objectively, I think it's because like the author, we both have a obsessive-compulsive personality. While I've never admitted it to anyone, deep down, I've always know it. When I get obsessed/engrossed in something (previous examples had included Magic: The Gathering, other games like Diablo, Diablo 2, Starcraft, Warcraft) I could literally put all things aside and keep going at it. Somehow, the little voice in my head tells me that this is wrong and I should stop. But then a louder one would be urging me to kill one more mob, finish that last quest, go up one more level... Every waking hour (including those at work) would be spent on the thing in question. If I wasn't playing it, I was reading up on it.

I have a wonderful wife and two beautiful kids but so often, I take them for granted. Looking back, I have only ever had two major fights with my wife. The first time was over Diablo 2 and the second was over WoW. I had deleted Diablo 2 after that fight and scaled back my WoW time after the second. Why didn't I delete WoW? Because my friends 'needed' me. What I had forgotten even then was my wife and kids needed me more...

I think my wife has pretty much accepted that this is how it is, but I cannot help but feel that it's just not fair to her to have a husband who is not there for her so often.

Even looking back at this blog, I look at the amount of time I had spent researching specs and gear, during my spare time, and cannot help but feel that perhaps I should have spent some of that time improving myself in some ways... Brush up on some skills that would have an impact on my career and my life or maybe even trying to get fit.

Knowing myself, even if I quit now, it's quite likely only a matter of time before I find something new to obsess over. However, having really stared into the abyss, I really hope to break out of this cycle. Spend more time with my family and bond with them.

So, this is after all, my swansong... When next I have access to the servers, I will be disposing of my pixels and then delete all my characters so there is no coming back. Drastic, but cold turkey is still sometimes the best solution for an addiction.

While I might sound regretful of the time I had put into WoW, what I don't regret are the people I wouldn't have met otherwise. Gary, Li Lian, Hah Ping, Chin Kok, and Michael from the Job One gang. Omy, Mathe from the old VVL/Artifice crew. Even new acquaintances like Meg through this blog. I really hope that I'll be able to keep in contact with them, even as we are likely to drift apart.

If you are still reading this, it's not a call for all to quit and 'Save Yourself'! Let me clarify it again. For people who have the discipline and control, it is a nice form of escapism from the harsh realities of life, no different from a good book or movie. But in my case, it's become a dangerous form of addiction.

So to all my dear friends who may or may not read this, I bid thee farewell...